Zynga Sues "Bang With Friends" Because DERP DERP

Zynga, the online gaming company responsible for me blocking all my friends, is suing the creators of "Bang With Friends", according to XBIZ (NSFW). In case "you're not familiar" with "Bang With Friends", it's an awesome app that lets you sort through your Facebook friends and select which you'd like to sleep with. If they also select you, you'll both be notified. So far I've only been matched with women I've already slept with, but hey, I'll take the endorsement.

“Zynga filed a lawsuit to stop blatant infringement of its valuable ‘with friends’ brand,” said Renee Lawson, Zynga’s deputy general counsel. “Zynga is compelled to file suit to prevent further consumer confusion and protect its intellectual property rights against infringement.”

Really?? You make a game called "Words With Friends" and "Chess With Friends" and you think you own all instances of the phrase "With Friends". You know why you named your games that? Because they run on Facebook. And they let you play games with your Facebook Friends - a term for those we're connected to on Facebook's platform. And by that logic, Facebook should be suing you. And by that logic, Myspace should sue Facebook since they used the term "friends" first. And by that logic, "Bang With Friends" was the only good thing to come from that half-assed 90's sitcom.

A more likely reason we're seeing this is because of Zynga's hemorrhaging users and revenue. The gaming giant had to layoff 18% of its workforce in June, leaving over 500 digital pineapple artists unemployed.

And let's not pretend this isn't about sex. If there was an app called "Coffee With Friends" that let you connect with Facebook Friends who wanted coffee in your area, Zynga wouldn't give a shit.

Time for me to start working on my new app.