Former Girlfriend of North Korean Dictator Kim Jong Un Executed for Alleged Sex Tape

In todays "What the fuck? COME ON!" World News, reports are indicating that North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un ordered his former girlfriend to be executed by a firing squad last week for making and distributing pornographic videos.

According to the South Korean newspaper Chosun Ilbo, Hyon Song Wol was executed by a machine-gun firing squad after being arrested August 17 on allegations that a pornographic tape made by Hyon and 11 others had surfaced in China. The executions took place just three days later. Song Wol was a member of the Unhasu Orchestra, and a famous singer in North Korean who reached national fame in 2005 for her hit "Excellent Horse-Like Lady". I can't even... *sighs*.

"They were executed with machine guns while the key members of the Unhasu Orchestra, Wangjaesan Light Band and Moranbong Band as well as the families of the victims looked on," a source told Chosun Ilbo.

Jesus.

After the accused's families were forced to watch the executions, they were then sent to North Korean prison camp's according to the report's anonymous source.

Kim was reported to be dating Hyon in the early 2000's. That romance ended in 2006 when Kim's father Kim Jong Il, who supposedly disapproved of the relationship, began grooming his son as his prospective heir.

After Kim Jong Il's death in 2011, rumors began floating around the Pyongyang military that Il and Hyon had began seeing each other again. Kim Jong Un is currently married to wife Ri Sol-ju, who was also a member of the Unhasu Orchestra. Speculation has arisen that Hyon may have been executed in order for Kim to save face or may have succumbed to pressure under Ri.

"I hate to do this, but the old ball and chain here..."

Reports are unconfirmed right now, because I mean, it's "news" sources from North Korea and China, but we'll update as we hear more.

For some creepy, depressing context to this story, watch Hyon Song-wol singing beautifully below: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LB_BHlEcqKM

and then please immediately cleanse with co-host Nick's epic scooter fail: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EyGneqW4dFc